Hotel Hetalia
by Hasegawa
Summary: The heta useless lia Hotel. Chaos everywhere, welcome abroad!
1. Chapter 1

Another story! This is a light-weight one, no angst and full humor! I accept any suggestion, pairings, plot, anything~

Enjoy!

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><p>Running a business is never easy.<p>

Ludwig sighed. In front of him stacked the documents for today—and it stacked tall—as tall as half his body height. It was a never-ending loop. Frankly, he never saw what the bottom of his desk was like—with so many to manage, all he could do to stay sane was by choking himself with potato-based diet.

And wurst.

God bless sausages. At least, that's why He created meat, right?

So he started.

The first sheet was a report about the rate of guests for the night before—it was Thursday, so there weren't many guests staying in their hotel. Their hotel is a world renowned, not because of the one or two or three or four or five-stars level of their service, but because of their uniqueness—their staffs consists of very single nation imaginable and no two staffs shared the same nationality background.

There were 20 rooms (out of 50) occupied. It is quite a normal day, then. There were some feedbacks from the customers. Most expressed their appreciation (and awe) over the staff. The first feedback noted that the receptionists were 'super' friendly (Ludwig face-palmed—he knew that putting Feliks and Toris as the reception staff was a gamble. He had hoped the calmer of the two—Toris—can subdue the hyperactive girl-guy Feliks. Apparently this time Feliks wears a 'Heidi' costume and started to sing in Polish about grass and sheep and mountains. Almost making a stage of himself on top of the reception table bench, imitating 'The Sound of Music'. Toris stuttered beside him, trying to keep the blond back to reality). Luckily the customers thought it was rather cute and they tolerated it.

The second feedback was about the cleaning service, which, although very clean, was very slow. Ludwig didn't notice his own lips smiled. Of course, his darling—_cough_—staff, Feliciano is the best cleaner. The small effeminate man loves to clean and cook pasta, and the maid costume on him is just cute—_cough_—no, suitable. Feliciano cleans very well, making the room spotless, but he is also very slow. He spent almost 8 hours per day cleaning only a room. The result is magnificent spotless room, but the speed is just intolerable. On the other hand, his twin brother, Lovino is a faster worker, but his work is intolerable. Instead of cleaning, the boy usually makes the room messier. Ludwig didn't know why the twins are so in reverse of each other. Yet another problem he couldn't solve.

Another one was about the food. Ludwig knew he can always depend on the Chinese master chef, Yao Wang on it. So far, they never received any complain about the food. All customers said that the food was incredible and the chef is cute. Also, the French patisserie caused another havoc. His customer reported that the French man tried to lull them for a date. Ludwig grimaced. This always happens. Everytime. He wanted to fire the Frenchman, but his skill as a patisserie is the best in the continent. After weighing pro and cons, he always decides to let the French stayed.

Ludwig moved to another documents.

He groaned.

Another internal complaint from the Chinese chef. Apparently Ivan, the head of IT department, managed to get the code this week and strolled into the sacred kitchen again. Yao reported details about where and how and how long Ivan groped him. Ludwig blushed. Mein Gott, that was too much information. The complaint stated that Yao wanted to change the password again. Ludwig sighed. They are changing the password every two days. Basically, Yao Wang is the emperor in the kitchen. He wants to protect his kitchen—and it is understandable, since Ivan Braginski from the IT department had this weird obsession on him. Yao said he always get molested by the bigger Russian man. After several initial complain years ago (mostly by the loud Korean second chef Yong Soo), Ludwig agreed to install the best lock-code based door for the kitchen. Everybody except the IT department is given the code key. Of course it was futile, since the IT department possessed all the facilities to crack the code and Ivan always found in the kitchen again the every other day.

Agreeing to change to yet another new code, Ludwig moved on.

He groaned again.

The British staff manager managed to find the key to the cellar again. Arthur Kirkland-a.k.a Iggy is one of his more competent staff, but his alcoholism knows no boundary. He had 'stumbled' into the wine cellar three times in two months. And whenever it happens, their wine supply decreased by 30% in a night. Ludwig wondered how on earth that man could do it without getting alcohol poisoning. The Brit was found sleeping and snoring inside the stellar.

The 'hero' who found and reported the Brit manager is, of course, Alfred Jones. That American is the head of security. Ludwig was very much against putting the loud blond on his current position, but his brute strength and quick thinking (although Ludwig thought it was more to impulsiveness) had saved them many times before. But he has gambling problem, and always, always having trouble with the head of finance and accounting—Vash Zwingli the Switzerland.

Ludwig moved on.

Ah, finally, a paper that doesn't make him wanted to kill himself with butter knife.

A paper from marketing department headed by the Danish Mattias. They suggested to have a festival of hot bath, and Tino could be the head of the committee. Ludwig nodded, agreeing that it may be a good idea. He always like Tino for his gentleness and responsibility. Tino manages the hot bath and water supply for the hotel, alongside with his husband, Berwald, who manages their facilities including the swimming pool and gym. Ludwig continued to agree, until he read the last paragraph, where Mattias recommends having their beautiful bartender, Norway, to perform a striptease show.

Mein Gott.

Ludwig moved to another document, putting aside the idea.

It was a report from their gardener, Antonio, stating that their tomato gardens are blooming good and nice this season. Ludwig sighed. The gardener is a very competent man, but he only planted tomatoes all year around. He had long given up the idea of having a normal flower garden for the hotel.

Ludwig stopped himself and rest back to his armchair.

When will his headache stops?

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><p>Any suggestion? I want to expand the kitchen and IT department, as well as include everyone in Hetalia here, but so far I think including everyone above is already a big step, too much information may be very unuseful. eeheheh.<p>

Review!


	2. Chapter 2

From the pamphlet of _Hetalia-a History_:

_"One of the most special things about Hetalia Hotel is the secret hidden chamber titled 'The Chamber of Sacred Kitchen'. It is said that the chamber was one of the oldest room in the hotel. Of course, from functionality point of view, it is a common sense for a hotel to have a kitchen; however this kitchen is said to be build by one of the hotel founder, a China man called Wang Yao. _

_The most interesting is the fact that the said founder has been the head chef for so many generations. Nobody knows his true age, but he still looks as wonderful as you read this pamphlet as he was beautiful when this pamphlet is written in 600 B.C.E. Most of the employees stopped asking after 40 years of working in the hotel, as comparing their greying hairs to his ever so lovely black silky hair was enough to sealed one's mind. It is not good to open the Pandora Box anyway. One thing that is as wonderful is the food and beverage from this 'Chamber of Sacred-Kitchen'. This chamber produced delicacies and true arts; people came back just to get a lick of the hotel's 'Dragon Nest Soup'. His sweets and dumplings attracted even the most satisfied man; proven by how every guests staying in this hotel gains at least 4 pounds after eating dinner. Duck and Lobster are their speciality. _

_However, there is one thing one must beware: there is said to be a monster creature shadowing that place. It is believed that the said creature is from North origin, mostly from Russia. The chamber is hidden inside the hotel building, and nobody knew where, because of the foul creature that always tried to getting in to molest the head of chef since 1978."_

__Attached is a picture of a very young, pretty young woman smiling to the camera with her wok.

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><p>"Good morning, aru!" The mini-man jumped into the kitchen. His night was good, as usual, with his 10 hours of uninterrupted beauty sleep. "We need to work again today, aru! Isn't that wonderful?"<p>

"I feel like a house elf, actually." Hong Kong, one of the main apprentice in charge of hotpot and anything that can explode, muttered under his breath. Reading too many Harry Potter fanfictions made him realize how like slaves they had become. And he cursed Iggy to have introduced him to the Wonderful World of Harry Potter. Or anything British, actually, except teas. and Firecracker.

"I demand a better pay, daze~" Another loud voice from the meat department was heard. The Korean man just woken up from his nap when he heard that his sweetheart brother just descended down from his sleeping chamber in heaven. And he was given meat department because he had the best chopping ability, as well as punching meat to tenderize it.

"Good morning, Yao-san, everyone." The polite Japanese man bowed a bit and stealthily guarded his areas, as he doesn't want any contamination over his vegetables. He was in charge of healthy food, dominating the left corner of the whole chamber.

"Finally you wake up." The lady at the back, of Taiwanese descent, called Wan pouted. She has finished her first sundae that morning, and onto the next scoop of ice cream with mochi. She is the best in dessert department, and that's how she landed the job. "I wonder when is the time we need to wake you up to find you mummified on bed, Yao ge."

A few other shouts from other parts of the kitchen, including but not limited to: Indonesia, Vietnam, Myanmar, Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore and a gentled North Korea came. They each handled their own speciality (Indonesian—spice department, Vietnam—soup department, etc.)

"Good, good." Yao felt satisfied with the enthusiasm his subordinates were having that morning and proceeded with the usual. "I managed to change the code this morning, and it is: 'Aiyaaaaaaa!'. Repeat after me: Aiyaaaaaaa!"

"…Aiyaaaaaaa!"

"Again, aru!"

"Aiyaaaaaaa!"

"Louder, aru!"

"Aiyaaaaaaa!"

"How many 'a'-s are there, Yao-san?" Japan asked.

"I think I put seven, but I am not sure, aru…"

"And there is an exclamation mark behind it, yes?" Suddenly a voice talked from behind him, and Yao felt a pair of wild hands starts groping his ass cheeks.

"GYAH, IVAN!"

"Kol Kol Kol."

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><p>"You know, I wonder why he just changed the password. I mean, he can changed the lock altogether. Maybe the one with the retina laser and everything." Indonesia moaned to his neighbour, Philippines. As usual, the King of Gossip strikes. "That Russian has been ogling his thighs and ass for half an hour now while they bicker with each other."<p>

"You don't know _meh_?" Malaysia shouted from the back. "It is unrequited love, I tell you!"

"Really, _ah_?" Singapore asked, while whisking the eggs in the big bowl.

"Who to who na?" Thailand smiled, adding oil to the burning gossip flame.

"Ivan likes our boss but our boss has a son already with the drunken manager, Iggy." Philippines whispered, but loud enough for Japan to hear from the other side of the kitchen. "So it's _like_, the triangle of Bermuda of Love."

Japan was listening with an uncontrollable twitch on his left eye. Not that he would let other people to see, of course…

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><p>Ha! I know I am getting crazier each day!<p>

For this chapter, I want to know where do you come from, so I can include the said countries into this mad parody...


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